The White Wall |
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A magnificent and beautiful tale of Paradise. A Vision of Heaven and a glimpse of Hell. A perfect story. Email me: johnmark at surewest dot net Return to: Sunny Days in Heaven Return to: The True Genius Archives |
Tuesday, April 30, 2002
The White Wall (c) Mark Butterworth 2001 "Let your thoughts be on things above, not on the things that are on the earth, because you have died...." Paul Colossians 3:2 Part One "For look, I am going to create new heavens and a new earth, and the past will not be remembered and will come no more to mind. " Isaiah 65:17 I don't mind dying. I don't mind dying at all. Not because I'm old, though I am, nor for the fact it's painless - it is not - but because the wall before me is white, and I am not the least afraid. The monks, my brothers, are with me but I don't see or notice them now. I see a soft, white wall that I am ready to pass through and cross into paradise. I have no doubt of it. Not exalted or depressed, glad or worried, I am ready. All of me agrees. Then, I seem to move into the white wall and there I am. This is a pleasant place: a green, tree lined lane; two low buildings - one like a tavern, one like a cafe. A mature, young man is sitting at a table. I walk over to him. He says, "You've just arrived." "Yes, I have." "Then join me. My name is - " He says a word, only one, yet, I then see a field of orange poppies amidst rich green grass. And that is his name. I say to him, "My name is -" except I don't recall my name. I need a new one. I look up and see a deep, blue sky filled with great, white clouds. I speak a single word, and that is my name - Blue Sky - and much more. "Would you join me in food and drink?" he says. "Yes, I will." He then goes inside the cafe, returning with wine, bread, cheeses, and fruits. All he has brought is delicious to eat and drink. As we do so, I try to cast back into my mind for thoughts and memories. I have no memories. I don't know how I came here, but I am content anyway. I could sit here all day like this. A breeze, scented with pine, blows gently through the forest; the air is temperate, and the sun is toward the afternoon. A pleasant spot. I like the company although we've hardly said a word. "Are there more people here?" I ask. "Very few at this time. There are many, though, beyond here. In the mountains is a wasteland full of people. I've been there. I'll never go again, though." "Why is that?" I ask. "I did all that I had to do there, " he replied. "Where's God?" I ask. "Somehow, I thought he would be here." "He is and isn't. He is not yet, except that he reveals wonderful things. You'll see." "All right. I'll wait then. There must be many beautiful places to see here. I think I could pass a number of years sitting at a rocky cove, watching water rise and fall like breathing. And there was once a mountain, great volcano, rising like a snowy, crystal palace to the clouds which I admired. I've longed to live in sight of it." "Yes, there are just such places here. A thousand paces from this spot, there is a meadow and a stream of terraced pools which murmur like a whispering choir." "Show me then." We arose. He led me on among thick, tan barked, and tall, scented pines. Through broad avenues amidst great columns, we walked upon a soft, forest carpet. Few flowers, and small berry shrubs disturbed the even, sunshine dappled, woodland floor. Stepping into great shafts of light and warmth, it seemed as if the smell of dust, the duff, and resins of sap gave sunshine a scent. An occasional breeze rattled the limbs overhead, sifting through the canopy; the verdant needles shimmering in light and gently combing the sky. Soon, we came into the clearing where the meadow lay, bright green in gold light. A silver wash descended upon low, broad terraces to a shallow brook with soft, mossy banks. We sat, dangling our feet into the stream, and felt the water's calm tug and cool flow. Small fish and tadpoles darted here and there. I scooped a handful of the stream, and drank. Delicious. My senses rejoiced with taste and flavor. All that I now seemed to know had more sensation or experience in it. Water felt wetter, blue looked bluer, and light shone whiter and brighter. It made me marvel at the richness of pure things and simple thoughts. I turned to my friend, asking, "What are your thoughts?" He laughed. "Primarily, I wondered what you'd ask me next. And so you have." "There doesn't seem to be a lot to ask, " I said. "The things I wonder about are ordinary. Not worth mentioning." He nodded his head. From there we arose and I was led by my friend through the woods to the green lane. We walked westward and down, eventually coming to a grassland, then sand dunes and an ocean, or a sea. He had a dwelling in the grassy dunes not far above the high tide of shoreline. As we approached, a door opened. A child, small with bright red curls bouncing, ran to him. He caught her as she flung herself at him, and raised her up to trade a clasp and kiss. A woman then appeared at the threshold, her hair as fiery and coiled as the child's. She smiled. Her lips a pale coral against the cream and peach skin of her face. She wore a simple dress of a soft color. She came out to greet us. I was introduced to them. Her name evoked tall grasses mixed with wildflowers swept and waving in a breeze. The little girl, green eyed like her mother, was named the moment of dawn when the sun first throws its light upon the world. "Welcome," the woman smiled and led me in their home, a modest house, low, merging with the dunes in color and shape. The room I saw first was simple, brightly lit, sparsely furnished. A rug of intricately colored designs covered the floor. The walls were plain and white. Great windows, shaded by an overhang, looked out to the beach and incessant waves. Outside, among the dunes, a patio retained a place with low, sandy, round walls, and broad flagstones of slate. Some stairs went down from there to the smooth, wave washed sand and water. "What a beautiful place to live," I said. "I always wanted to live on a beach," he said, adding, "let's go down to the water." We went outside. The salt breeze slightly stung my nostrils and eyes. We walked across the slate flagstones, brick red, to the terra cotta stairs. His dawn child held his hand as they came down. The surf was pacific and not too loud, but lay its rows of waves like rolling cables in gentle dissipation on the shelf of sand. I watched the water climb, then slide and churn in its retreat as another curl, aquamarine in clear patches amidst white foam, dropped off its freight of blue water. I had started to wonder about islands in the sea and lands of exotic spice, when it began to strike me - for the waves kept the time of eternity, I thought. I felt a presence in the ocean, just as if God, like a Neptune, might rise up and embrace us in a wave of molten light. "It has really happened, " I said. "Heaven is here now; and the endless Mystery now free, all his and ours, to be explored. He's waiting to be known in a new way. He simply comes quietly, shares a look with us, then passes on - as though he walked in a garden in the evening's cool to glance on his work and our happiness. This is heaven. This is now home at last." My friend smiled. "Daddy, did you see God wink at us just now?" the child asked. "Wink or smile?" he asked her. "A twinkling smile," she told him. "Yes, I saw him, " he said. At our return, a light supper was laid on the table. Sitting down, we gave thanks, and ate sweet bread, we drank cool, blood red wine, and supped on stew - sopping its delicious sauce with the bread. We spoke very little, except the child, when asked, recounted all the things she'd seen and done. Her childish voice, serious mien, and narrative of marvels gave delight, provoking gentle laughter now and then. My friend and his beloved hesitated to question me; letting me alone to find my way into and through this world. I had no doubts or questions, though. I felt suspended from time, but not from life; enjoying all I beheld and did, pleased in each moment. At the end of the meal, the child and I sat while the man and woman cleared the table. I watched the two of them perform a kind of dance around the other as they moved in rhythm, ease, affection, and awareness. The child watched, too, and noted the natural intimacy of them, her parents - their graceful manners and motions. They then produced a fruit dessert to cap the dinner which I ate with pleasure. When the eating was done and we removed into the living room, I took notice of a piano. Recalling I knew something of the instrument, I sat down at it, opened its keyboard, and began to test its tone and touch, picking out a simple melody. My friends reposed on a couch, the child lying across their laps as I began exploring what I might do with fingers and ideas. Slowly, like the soft stroking the woman did to her daughter's hair and back, I learned to lose myself in the richness of intervals and counterpoint, the drive of a rhythm which presses gently forward like a tide that carries imagination away. I played on for some time and felt I filled the world, flooded space and time, with music. The room was pregnant with tone and texture, comprehension and pleasure in beauty. I thought, heaven is more imagining than matter. With that thought, I brought the work to a quiet, peaceful end. The child slept. My friends smiled. Sunset had passed and dusk lay on the ocean. The room was also dim. The child was put to the bed they all shared. I was shown a place to sleep. I went out to watch the stars emerge in the dark sky, and see if any satellites or planets appeared. I found an unfamiliar universe, of different orbs and constellations; so I smiled delighting in the novelty. Part Two "Disciple is not superior to teacher; but fully trained disciple will be like teacher." Luke 6:40 Remaining with my friends, I made a place to sleep outside beneath the overhang where I could rest among the sounds of surf, and feel the wind and weather as it came. Sometimes, when it was storming, the Dawn child would join me as cold gusts threw mist or spray while we snuggled warmly in our quilts. Some days I wandered up or down the coast, sailed out from shore to islands in the sea, or practiced the piano - deepening my skills and musical ideas. At nights, we often visited or were visited by others. All of whom became my friends. We ate together, entertained each other, made music we might listen or dance to. Poets sang about beautiful places, the love of men and women, and of children. The mystery of light and joy which sprang out of all things existing was invoked in all the art and science of our lives. Our friendships were instant, affectionate, and amusing. Work and play with others pleased and endeared. Kindness was everywhere. After many months, I awoke one day having an urge to go to the mountains; the place my friend had mentioned, where there were a great many people. I left my friends walking back the way when I first arrived to the green lane that lead East. Distant now, the mountain range rose up blue and silver. Along the way were places to rest stocked with food, drink, shelter, and blankets. The way was easy and passed through lovely places or gained great vistas as I climbed. The days were warm, sometimes darkened by thunderstorms, while nights were clear and cool. At night I sat wrapped in a blanket by a fire and thought how simple is the universe; and of all the seeming greatness of its size is that it took that much material and time to make a home for life, for man, for me. Beauty is in patterns and designs - how a log will burn into a checkerboard of embers; how a pine cone spirals open; how a breeze spins the leaves of aspen trees shimmering them like a curtain of light, silver and green. And what is the pattern for man and me, I wondered? Then I'd sleep and see that dreams are simply images of wondering and wandering. I walked across the blue and granite mountain range until I came up to a great escarpment. Suddenly, the land fell deep and down into a desert stretching to the East. Looking out upon the plain, it seemed dark, unworldly black; and in looking closer - it seethed. It moved as if countless insects swarmed, buzzed, or crawled. A noisy hum rose up, though distant in volume. I descended down the steep decline. The pitch and strength of noise increased; and I began to see as I went lower that the mass of insects were, in fact, people. Multitudes beyond count. I came down at last to the dusty plain and saw to my amazement that the crowds were maddened and insane. Great numbers fought each other by hand, claw, and tooth; screaming in fits of frenzy, trying to kill or were being killed. Yet no one died though pain was felt. They stopped when exhausted, but then resumed with rest. Their eyes were crazed. Both men and women took part in what was endless and individual war. I passed through the raging mobs. They took no note of me as if they never saw. Within the plain were monuments of rock that rose up high in fingers and small mesas. People crowded their way up on these pinnacles and cliffs, then threw themselves down to the floor below. They smashed into the ground in clouds of dust. After a moment or two, a man arose, staggered about for another few moments, then trod back to the climbing mass, ascending once more the cliffs. Also, all around were people lying down, clutching at stones they used to bash against their heads, while some sat back against a boulder banging skull upon the rock. Some moaned, others ranted, many screamed, and countless raged and then wept. I was indifferent to them all until I came upon a man who lay against a stony cliff who'd strike himself with fist and cry out, "Stupid! Stupid!" Strike himself, and then yell, "Die! Die! Die!" As I stood there, he slowly noticed me, ceasing his actions. His eyes widened, jaw dropped open. He asked, "Who are you?" "Your father. You are my son, my beloved child." "It is really you," he said in amazement. "My God, my God, you really are here. Oh, father!" And then he cried and I embraced him. "Come with me," I told him when he was done with weeping. I took his hand, guiding him through the mass of mad humanity. He looked in shock at all he saw around him. We walked East. He asked many things. I did not reply. His questions could wait. It took many days to cross the plain. We came upon a wall of mountains which ringed the vast desert. Where I'd led my son, we came upon a pass, a fissure in the wall which took us from the riotous hordes of people and noise, and led us through a maze until we came upon a green valley. Beyond its meadows, there was a campus of fine buildings. Clustered here and there, small groups of people engaged in talk or walked along the paths. I hailed a group. They stopped what they were doing. "Take this man, my son, and show him what he is to do from this time onward, if you would," I said to them. They readily agreed. Their eyes were shining as they stared at me. I wondered why. They seemed reluctant to engage my child while I was there. I left, returning back from where we'd come. Again I wandered until I came to a man furiously fighting another. Tooth marks were all over his arms and shoulders. I came up, pressed between the two, and they parted. The man saw me, cried out, and ran away. I followed him. "Get away! Get away!" he shouted. Eventually, he ran up to a cliff wall. Trapped in a corner, he fell to the ground, clawing at the dirt and base of the wall. "Get away!" he screamed. "Don't get yourself dirty! I'm filthy! Don't touch me! Don't touch me! I'm too dirty," he continually cried. I don't know why he thought that he could make me dirty if we touched. He could not alter me, and so I knelt and grasped his feet. He moaned, "How can you dare come near me? I'm a filthy mess." I kissed his feet. He trembled, broke into tears. I gathered him in my arms like a child. I rocked him as he wept a long while 'til he ceased. I took my father's hand and led him to the other place I'd put my son. For a period of time, I walked the plain retrieving people that I'd known before. My son, my father, an uncle, a dozen or more acquaintances. At last I felt my work was done. I turned West and headed the way I'd come. The journey back gave me a chance to wonder what it was the others I'd encountered in the plain and small valley seemed to see in me. What caused the fear or terror, awe and reverence in their looks? It seemed as if they saw another man and not their friend or kin. It's true, the man I'd been to them no longer was the same, yet, even so, I was the same man. Still, they didn't know me as I am or was. They looked at me as if I were a god, the living God, with power to destroy or glorify. "How can that be?" I wondered. And then I knew that it was possible for God to cast his image through my face, my form, my gestures, and my work. His face and his form appeared to those selected whom I'd seen. His affection and tenderness had been revealed which terrified and rescued, delighted and humiliated. That had been my task - to bear his image as a window into bright eternity; a template of truth and mirror of peace. I understood the differences between myself and those I'd seen upon the plain and in the place of new pathway for them. I understood the likenesses between myself and all the friends whom I had left to do this final work upon a past I no longer knew or recalled except to realize indelible bonds of love. No one is forgotten whom I'd ever known. These thoughts erased perplexity. I looked upon my journey back to all my friends renewed with interest in the sights and sounds of what surrounded me. The air seemed fresher, drenched in woodland scents or meadow flavors. Something essential had been completed. Nothing lingered or delayed the rest of time. All that was to be, limitless yet bound in being, expanded out before me. When first arriving here, it was as if a butterfly had emerged from cocoon, needing time to unfold and dry its wings. Now all was ready for flying into a clearer, brighter air - not of the future - but of the present. And in fact, the air looked newer and particular as if I saw its atoms dance and molecules collide and splash with light and colored lights. My heart was full of a kind of music, tranquil and lyric. As I walked, I made a song up as I went, melodic chant of what I saw - "How bright the air as though the day was full of stars. How green the leaf as though a single one could dye the sea." I knew in myself an eternal Spring, and that delight impelled a fresh desire. Eagerness infused my footsteps as I awoke to a will to form a family. Part Three "Then I saw a great white throne and the One who was sitting on it. In his presence, earth and sky vanished, leaving no trace. " Rev.20:11 After happy reunion with my friends, I began a task of wandering the world. My purpose was to find a place, a land, a home where I could build a house and live. The world is a big place and all of it is graceful, yet each one of us delights to stay in one place more than others. Thus, it did not take so long to seek and find as I first thought. I found myself a wooded forest where a stream ran through which tumbled out of mountains to the west. The stream ran to a lake where wide girthed pines marched up to sandy shores. Small meadows lay dispersed amidst towering conifers. Across the small lake, to the east, there stood reflected in the water, a volcano, great, massive mountain which arose supreme among lower, wooded ranges that flowed and radiated from its huge base and arms. In summer, it stood brown and rocky, veined with ice fields above the timberline which ceased at half the mountain's height. In winter, it was robed in white ermine, and shone in gold during evening's alpenglow. It was there beside a stream, amidst great, sunny pines, before the lake and mountain vista, I built a house with help of friends out of rock the same as made the mountain that I loved. When furnished and complete, I sat and thought - "How strange it is to realize even now, a human is an animal, and through all things remains a creature with desires: not to be alone, not to be fruitless, not to be unmated. God is ultimate and overwhelming, yet there is rapture in human love for other people, too." I felt this joyful need and so began my courtship of a woman I had met among a gathering of friends. Her name was that of starlight on a moonless night. She was as beautiful to gaze upon - loveliest youngness married to wisdom. Wise and kind eyes above a merry smile, softness in her form and grace in her motion, I noticed the small perfections of her lips and teeth, seashell shape of her ears, the length of fingernails, her hands' dexterity. I marveled at her lovely newness. Youth is as immortal as God, who is the youngest being of all; and as youth owns God's untiring freshness of beauty, men and women remain charmed and entranced by the difference of each other's nature in perfect love - which is undying as God. And heaven is where it's fulfilled in all - in man and woman, in friends and in children. I know there was a time that wasn't so, but that has passed and is forgotten now beyond all recollection. She and I would walk on pleasant paths and talk of what we knew and did not know; and spoke of that which gave us joy or held each other's hand in simple silence. We became beloved and joined our lives together - a seamless knitting of our souls, similar as God has deftly knit himself in each of us - it is a lasting and eternal bond as friend to friend, and as parent to child. Family is an image of God, too. Selfless love makes children in an embrace ecstatically dissolving boundaries, as if air and light were one breathing thing; or like man and woman centered in a sun amidst great forces joyful to expand, explode into Creator momently as though God danced equally in our bliss. All matching of love is divine delight. Creating a child is no afterward but cause of greater awe and sense of life. When my heart is full to overflowing with glory in the richness of such gladness; when mind cannot consider there could be greater depth, appreciation, or blessing; there'll come fresh experience that expands my comprehension. The impossible becomes possible, and powers that seemed incomprehensible become child's play. Thus delight in love never wanes, but finds renewal everywhere as when I wake each day to my beloved, to a child adorable, affectionate friends, and work creative, beautiful, and splendid. I was made for life of this intelligence, inheritance, and fruitfulness. I see all things in gladness especially when a child of mine is born, and I recall all is gift: pure, absolute, wondrous gift. The greatest of all questions which remain may always be - what next? When children, though, are born our purpose is exact - to help them grow in truth and wonder, joy and understanding: the easiest of tasks, but most delightful. And so we lived, season after season, my beloved and I, and child after child; teaching, making, serving, and celebrating. I could not say how many years flowed past, but one day a man came visiting us. My young son said, "Dad, he looks like you." "No," I said. "I look like him. This is my father." We embraced. Surprisingly, my heart leapt ecstatic and relieved to know he loved me as any good father loves his child. I was satisfied. My father truly lived. Time passed. One day another man appeared. He was my son. I was happier still. And so it happened, person after person making their way to great reunions. When, at last, my mother came, I was astonished. Tears filled my eyes. The one who had borne me, how deep my feeling went to her; how much a child I felt in amazement. I blushed to see her happiness in seeing me; in noticing the adoration she bestowed on me. I realized that I'd longed to see her and we wept with joy. I knew she saw me for the first time, and realized the honor to have made and to know her child. The glory of creation is unyielding. The world began to fill and worlds began to be enjoyed. The universe is but a neighborhood after all. Ages passed. Ten thousand children had my beloved borne, and they ten thousand made so that our line was numbered like grains of sand on a shore, scattered like jewels across the universe as countless stars. There came a day, though, when desire waned between my love and I for children. We realized a deeper need, a greater immanence of glory that we wished to know. Together, we left the life we had to wander, all in white, no more to work or play, eat or sleep. What we did was roam or rest, investigating patterns in what we watched and saw; unthreading, in a way, the warp and woof of creation. And each of us was present to the other, like people in a room quiet and still. Across the world and then the worlds, we joined in this new prayer with others as they came into the circle which we formed. A sphere of seeing and a vision of each other looking face to face with everyone. We saw the whirlpool in a rushing stream, the fall of orange leaves flung in the wind, the calving of great glaciers at the sea, the wear of granite from the air and water. We watched the birth and death of stars, the turn of galaxies, and the marvels of light; while others joined our expanding circle and added something wonderful. We were a choir singing, and seeing, and knowing; an intimate family, a lover's kiss. And such a kiss that foreshadowed embrace into unbounded and yet fruitful bliss. Who knows what God has stored in his mansions until revealed? And so it is for us, expectant, pregnant, awaiting in peace another kind of living. And it grew, white light, another kind of wall before, around, and in us; white and yet golden. |